Donald Trump has won, as I knew he would. And if I were still the same person I was four years ago that sentence would have been a cause for jubilation.
Unfortunately, I’m not the same person.
Four years ago, more or less, was the beginning of my Awakening. I was absolutely incensed that my hero, the Donald, our only remaining hope against the Deep State and the encroaching New World Order had been so blatantly cheated out of his rightful victory by an incontinent, demented, child-sniffing paedo in the pay of the Chinese.
Happily, I knew that all the checks and balances that made the United States the world’s foremost democracy would soon come into play and that either the state courts or, if necessary, the Supreme Court would step in to ensure that justice would prevail.
So I waited.
And I waited.
And I waited.
And while I was waiting the first inklings of doubt began to creep into my deeply troubled mind. “What if the thing I want to happen never happens?”
Then: “What if the thing I want to happen never happens because the world isn’t at all how I thought it was?”
This is how most of us begin our journey down the rabbit hole. First the trauma: a REALLY, REALLY BAD THING HAS HAPPENED AND IT’S TERRIBLE AND I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS TO CARE OR EVEN TO HAVE NOTICED!
Then, the struggle to make sense of the traumatic thing.
Finally, the acceptance and the accompanying realisation that nothing will ever be the same again. You now have to unlearn everything you have learned and begin a journey of understanding which will take up the rest of your life.
One of the many, many things I’ve learned since is that all presidents are selected not elected. And that includes the ones that your old self might have thought exempt like good old wisecracking Ronnie Reagan who came up - allegedly - with all those wonderfully unpresidential one liner funnies, and did something badass with those pesky air traffic controllers, and pretended to be the enemy of Big Government. Nope. He was one of them too. They all are.
And yes. So - dur - is Donald Trump.
This doesn’t mean, not for one second!, that I am not greatly enjoying the wailing and gnashing of all the Trump haters. Nor that I don’t want Bono to stick to his promise that if Trump won he would drive his car off a cliff. Nor that I don’t think Trump would be preferable to Kamala.
But Trump is only preferable to Kamala in the sense that treading in fresh cow poo is preferable to treading in fresh dog poo.
There are some things I like about Trump: the way he annoys so many of the people who need to be annoyed; the fact that he is going to end the war in Ukraine; the fact that he is probably going to use cheap US energy as a weapon of economic war, which will make countries that have gone big on renewables - eg the UK - look even more suicidally stupid than they did already.
That’s how these designated leaders work, though. They have to say and do things that at least some of us agree with some of the time - see Reagan saying funny things, above - so that they can promote the illusion that voting makes a difference.
Which it doesn’t, of course. Everything is planned, way in advance, and at a level far, far higher than Punch and Judy stalls like the Oval Office. The war in Ukraine, for example, will end not because Trump has a rapport with Vladimir Putin and understands that the whole enterprise is just a meat grinder which has cost the lives of hundreds of thousands to zero purpose, but because that’s just the latest stage of The Plan.
Lots of jubilant Trump voters still don’t want to believe this for reasons I can well understand because four years ago I was just like them and thought Trump was the only man capable of saving the world. Trump, I believed, really was different: the maverick outsider who took the system by surprise.
When you start to wake up to how bad the world really is, you long desperately for someone who might appear on the horizon like Gandalf the White at Helm's Deep and save the last great citadel from falling.
Sorry. Trump is not Gandalf. Nor is anyone else. Gandalf is a fictional character invented by JRR Tolkien and would never even get nominated in a US Presidential election because he doesn’t serve the forces of darkness.
I’m not saying Trump is as evil as the warlock Obama or the witch Hillary. He probably serves Lucifer rather than Satan (insofar as that distinction has any meaning).
But look, one day some of you who got really cross with me when I pointed out that the Trump assassination attempts were staged are going belatedly to realise that I was right all along and are going to feel slightly embarrassed about having been so naive.
As for the ones who never realise that the guy who fast-tracked the death jab never had your best interests at heart, I’ve only one small request to make if you wouldn’t mind. Could you give me the name of your supplier?